You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
