the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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