Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
