I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
