I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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