I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As shirtless as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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