Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
