it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, beer. Big fan.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
