so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
