You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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