this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
