The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
