We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
