By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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