put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
