But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
