like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Acid is not a monday night drug
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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