If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
