Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
