i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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