Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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