The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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