What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
