IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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