No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
