forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
