jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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