Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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