I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
