Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't just leave with hair like that
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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