you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
