the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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