I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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