Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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