Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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