peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
