I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
