i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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