The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Porn is love you can see.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
