You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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