I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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