You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
