I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
