You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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