so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Swine flu is the new snow day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
