I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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