matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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