Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Enjoy the penises
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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