Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Drunk is not a location!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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