census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
