I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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