remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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