I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize