how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
