i already hear my dad disowning me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
