woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
