That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
