I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
