I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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