yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
