Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize