Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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