Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
