How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
