i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
